No matter what life choice you make, there would always be people believing they have a right to judge you or point out what is “correct”. Debra Smouse, a life coach, advises to stop paying attention to such things and get rid of a feeling of guilt over the way we arrange our life.
As recent research has proved, women apologize more often than men. Not because they are politer. The point is that for dozens of years, society has been imposing a feeling of guilt over women having their own desires and needs. Thus, women should stop apologizing for their existence and the choices they make.
Never feel guilty about
Your relationship status
Being free (not lonely, but exactly free) isn’t a crime regardless of the fact how many times your mother hints at the opposite since she wants to see you in a wedding gown. Even if you have a partner but don’t want to officially register your union, it’s also not a crime. It’s possible to enjoy each other’s company without being officially married.
You are married and you are happily performing the role of a housewife. Why not? It’s not a less worthy choice than any other provided you are satisfied with what you do. Despite your status on Facebook, your personality shouldn’t be defined by your relationship situation. Stop considering others’ opinions. It’s your life and you have to live it, not your mother or friends who definitely know what is right.
(Not) Giving birth to children
Are your parents constantly repeating they want to play with grandchildren while you understand perfectly well that motherhood isn’t your choice? It’s your right and you shouldn’t find excuses for this, even if you change your mind in 10 years. Or don’t change. Perhaps, you are tired to hear that only egoists give birth to one child. Or your friend is fiercely proving that our planet is overpopulated and giving birth to the third child is madness (while you are dreaming of 5 children). It’s exclusively your decision. How many children to have or to be a child-free woman, it’s only your business. Being a parent is a life-long choice so that you shouldn’t do what somebody wants you.
Your house is perfectly clean, children are neat and smart, a dog doesn’t bark and performs all the commands, but one of your friends dares to mention “Real mothers know no such order.” Or your child is watching a cartoon while you’ve decided to relax drinking a cup of coffee in the morning, and you are blaming yourself for not being a “good” mother. Perhaps, you are longing for a day when your children grow up and start living on their own? No matter what thoughts come to your mind don’t punish yourself. You do everything you can. No one knows what it means “to be a real mother.” That’s why you are a real mother, just the way you are.
How successful you are
Are you over 30 and don’t boast about an impressive salary? Thus, you are a loser with no ambitions. Do you love your job and are you conquering new heights? You are too focused on this. Have you reached success and are you hiding it so that others wouldn’t envy? Or, perhaps, you are just a housewife. Aren’t you ashamed of that, you’ve had such potential!
No matter what you do and how much money you earn, the work is important not for you only but for society in general. Therefore, if you want to reach the results other people consider appropriate, it’s a bad practice. You may feel proud for some period of time, but in the long run, you will be disappointed since it’s not the thing you genuinely want.
You may be proud of your flat belly or plump hips. Your personality isn’t defined by your weight, the shape of your nose, the length of your legs, the size of your clothes, etc. No one has a right to judge how you look in a swimming suit or without it. What really matters is whether you feel comfortable in your body.
Should you love your grey hair or visit a cosmetologist for beauty injections? There are too many rules in modern society telling women what to do with their appearance and age peculiarities. But who has made up these rules and should we follow them if they are rather contradictory?
No, we shouldn’t. Once we are made to look younger than our real age, it means we should be ashamed of the natural process of aging. If we are made to correspond to our real age, we should be ashamed of our wish and possibilities of staying young as long as possible. Both variants are weird, and the experience proves that one’s spirit may be young even at 90 – the things that matter are your lifestyle and world outlook. If you really think that Botox injections will be good for you, no one has a right to condemn your choice.
The way you dress
Do you prefer jeans and T-shirts, trendy or classical shoes? This is your choice, and no people should influence your opinion, even if they stubbornly repeat “a woman of your age shouldn’t dress like this.” The clothes we wear influence the way we feel. What style makes you feel a queen? Make a choice according to your preferences and never let your parents, friends, or neighbors define your lifestyle. The way you feel is a far better indicator than stylish pieces of advice.
Some women can’t start a day without “Starbuck’s” coffee, some pedicure their nails once in two weeks while others are dreaming about a visit to a foreign country. Yet, there would always be people to tell: “How can you spend so much money on these things?” If you don’t get into debts because of these pleasures and they make you feel happy, continue doing the things you like. Life is short, and we are constantly facing difficulties; that’s why we should make the idea “Indulge yourself whenever possible” our life motto.
Stop wasting your precious energy on excuses and explanations you aren’t supposed to give. Stop apologizing for your life, and it will instantly become better.